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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739868">Is this reality or just fantasy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoslaura/pseuds/chaoslaura'>chaoslaura</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Prompt list [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I made myself cry a bit with this, M/M, Willex reunion, some Willie angst, yes the title is from queen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoslaura/pseuds/chaoslaura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt Angst 13: “This is all in my head. It’s all happening in my head.”</p>
<p>"What did it all matter, Willie had thought, when the pain of the heartbreak had numbed everything from his mind to his body, unable to move or think straight without his memories digging up blond hair, and pink hoodies, and a drum steadily beating in the background. What did it matter, if he danced, or served lifers, or ran errands, or not?"</p>
<p>or<br/>Caleb punishes Willie after betraying him and Willie loses all hope of ever seeing Alex again, but that might not be the case after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Prompt list [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>130</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Is this reality or just fantasy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here I am again with a story that is definitely again longer than I strived for. But Angst is just what I live for and even if it sounds weird I had too much fun writing this one. I hope you like it as much as I do.</p>
<p>You can write me here or on tumblr under <a href="https://chaoslaura.tumblr.com/">@chaoslaura</a> requests for a prompt from <a href="https://blisfvll.tumblr.com/post/627380949234155520/prompt-list-1">this</a> list, and pairing and additional wishes, and I will gladly write it for you.<br/></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh Willie, you don’t know how disappointed I am in you. You <i>were<i> one of my favourite employees after all, you could have made it big under me. You remember all those years ago when I took you under my wing, showed you the beauties of the ghost world, invited you in my club so you had a place to call home? And how do you thank me? You deceive me! Go behind my back. This is all your own fault William, what I do to you is just for your best. To get you on the right track again.”</i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Willie was shaking under the harsh gaze of Caleb. He had a hand close around his chin, forcefully twisting his face up, forcing him to look upwards from his place on the cold floor in Caleb’s dressing room, but Willie was too afraid to look him directly into the eyes, knowing what he would find there, the same venom that was lacing Caleb’s voice. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>But Caleb was right, it was Willie’s own damn fault. For following his heart that for the first time after he had died, felt like it was beating in his chest again. Gradually, it had filled with love for a certain ghost that he fortunately had crashed in all those weeks ago. But now that that ghost had crossed over along with his friends, Willie’s heart had shattered again, like his will for following Caleb’s orders blindly had done so before it. What did it all matter, he had thought, when the pain of the heartbreak had numbed everything from his mind to his body, unable to move or think straight without his memories digging up blond hair, and pink hoodies, and a drum steadily beating in the background. What did it matter, if he danced, or served lifers, or ran errands, or not?</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Caleb had given him so much when Willie was completely overwhelmed with his death and the new life he had to navigate on his own. A place to live, someone to talk, introducing him to other ghosts, allowing him to spend his free time however he wanted to, he was nothing else than good to him, and Willie fucked it up. Big time. Just because his heart had been persistent, more stubborn than his brain and had overruled every logic thought left in there the moment his eyes had laid sight on a cute ghost. But in the end, it didn’t do him any good.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Now he was curled up on the floor after jolts had ripped through his body with Caleb above him, scolding him for his actions, for standing up against him, and Willie deserved it. The grip on his chin was tight and if ghosts could bruise, he was sure everyone would’ve been able to see it. But instead with a swerve Caleb let loose and Willie’s head fell to the floor with his hair tangled around him and he could do nothing but lay there while Caleb stepped back, throwing one last disgustful look at him and wandered away, probably preparing the evening show, not caring when or if Willie would get up and drag his body to his own room and collapse on the bed, exhausted from the jolts and the pain that he could still feel lingering in his limbs.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Two weeks. Two whole weeks of continuously working, doing every job Caleb told him to do. And he wasn’t allowed to go outside. Not for skating, not for a walk, not for escaping the hell hole, Willie didn’t call his home anymore. He felt like he had been dragged through the gutter, who would’ve thought ghosts could feel exhaustion and to that extent. He was sleeping whenever he could, curling up under the blanket desperately wishing it were someone else’s arms embracing him. Caleb never was big on touching or loving gestures, but now that Willie had experienced the feeling of holding someone’s hand, <i>hugging<i> them, he wished he had someone who could let him feel these things again or at least a small portion of that. Just a pat on the shoulder would do it these days.</i></i></i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Getting a pause was the single best thing that had happened to him in the last days but being imprisoned in the hotel gave him no options to enjoy the free time, skating wasn’t allowed in here, besides Caleb had confiscated it. After two days spent in his room, letting the silence wash over him in contrast to the loud orchestra each previous week, his mind had circled back to grey jean jackets and fiddling hands, and Willie was ready to march into the main hall to talk up some ghosts no matter how bad his mood was just so he could occupy his mind with meaningless chatter. But to his confusion there was quite some crowd in the ballroom, unusual for the time. The whispering reached his ears then and let it know that Caleb hadn’t been seen for a few days even though no one could tell where he vanished to and what plans he had in mind. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But Willie had formed one on his own. He would use the time without Caleb’s gaze on him to escape the hotel and never coming back whatever consequences that would carry, Caleb could do with his soul what he wanted, Willie just wanted to savour his last days. What good was it for him, having infinite time but the one person he wants to spend it with gone and with no chance of coming back? Surely no one would be able to fill the hole that had opened in Willie’s heart and if Willie was honest, he didn’t want anyone else. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>With that in mind, he climbed the stairs to Caleb’s dressing room, something he would never had dared to when the magician had been around. He had never been in there alone, but his plan wasn’t to snoop around, he just wanted to find his skateboard and then go. Lucky for him, it leaned on the wall directly next to the door, so he didn’t have to pass time searching around. The less time spend in here the better.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Willie grabbed his beloved board and quickly walked the stairs down again on the lookout for any other ghost that might tell on him. Today really seemed to be his lucky day though. Till he reached the main doors Willie didn’t encounter any other ghost and he let out a breath he had been holding in the whole time. Seeing as he was dead it was a pretty long time. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>For the first time in weeks he stood on the spray painted board and took off, feeling the wind caress his hair and his skin the faster he got. Willie couldn’t help but let out a laugh, the first one since he had to say goodbye with a bone crushing hug, but the feeling of being reunited with his freedom, however short it was, pushed it out of him. He knew his ways by heart, but he was surprised to find himself on the beach after riding through the streets, bypassing endless groups of people. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>The sun hadn’t set down yet but was on his way to kiss the horizon and dipped the beach in orange and red and pink, and Willie had to admit it was a really pretty picture, even though he would’ve preferred any absence of pink, the pain still not subdued from the memories it brought forth. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Nevertheless, he sat down on the sand, wishing he could feel more than the little warmth it emitted from being shone on the whole day, and dragged his hands through the sand, creating patterns that calmed his mind. The breeze around him carried the scent of the sea and the cries of seagulls and Willie was short to crying from the beautifulness of it all and wished he would’ve had more time to share it with someone else.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Some tears still escaped him, remarkable after spending so many hours crying, he had thought they wouldn’t be any left at some point. But the few tears running down his cheek to his chin convinced him from the opposite. He had propped up his legs and put his arms around them and his head on top of it, staring out at the sea through his watered eyes, the view a bit blurry. Time passed differently for ghosts, but Willie could tell from the sun going down it hadn’t been long, and he wondered when Caleb would notice his absence.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Brushing with his thumb over his right arm where his scar was clear to see, Willie tried to not panic too much over what could happen to him, but in the end what did it even matter. A question he had asked himself numerous times the past weeks.</i>
</i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
<i>The wind had picked up and Willie lifted his head to see the last people leave the beach to go home to their families and parents and spouses. To a life Willie didn’t have anymore. A few kids were screaming over a ball getting blown away from the wind, mothers were packing up stuff, and couples were sharing one last kiss in the evening sun until it got cold. A pair of boys walked along the shore, dipping their feet into the water and talking to each other. One of them had a flannel tied around his waist, the red had caught Willie’s eyes and for a moment he could’ve sworn he knew the two. But it was probably just a coincidence. Willie didn’t know any people and flannels were worn from many. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Only when another boy ran up behind them and threw his arms around them did his brain caught up with something else. The cut off sleeves from the second boy and the pink hoodie from the third.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Shaking his head and blinking a few times he refocused his eyes on the group and took a second look, but the three boys were still in his sight, but Willie was still unsure of them being there. Like really there. Surely his mind had suffered in the last weeks. Being trapped in the hotel with no real contact to the outer world must have left some damage. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. His mind providing him with his biggest desires. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Dragging his hands over his face and taking a deep breath he opened his eyes again but the three were still there and the pink prominently highlighted from the darker getting background. They were coming his way and Willie could make out their faces now, remembering the ghosts clearly. But still. This couldn’t be real. In no way could this be real. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“This is all in my head. It’s all happening in my head.” Willie whispered to himself. He didn’t want to give in in case the picture in front of him would fade any moment. Who knew? Maybe Caleb was behind all this and tortured him with his deepest wishes, using his love against him, something Caleb probably never once felt in his life. “It’s not real, come on Willie, he’s gone.” The last word came out cracked and tears gathered in his eyes again. However often the thought had spun around in his mind, saying it out loud made it more real and Willie hadn’t planned for his day to end with crying, but he couldn’t help himself.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>It’s why he couldn’t see the black-haired boy tipping on the blonde one’s shoulder and pointing his way. And he also couldn’t see a ghost in a pink hoodie running to him until he stood in front of him, his chest heaving from the tempo. But when Willie lifted his head to see if the group had finally disappeared, the only thing he could focus on was pink. Pink and grey and blonde, and suddenly he was dragged to his feet into a hug that resembled the last they had shared in front of the Orpheum and Willie started to cry harder. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. Any moment this turned out to be fake and would leave him laying on a cold floor.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
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<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But instead a warmth flooded him, spreading from the other’s fingertips through his shirt and he clamped on tighter, his own hands twisted into the hoodie and his head shoved into the crook of the neck, his tears staining the material under him but he couldn’t care less. He breathed in the familiar scent and finally it clicked in his mind that maybe this was real after all. </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
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        <i>The hand on the back of his head pulled him in closer, and the one on his back made sure that he wouldn’t let loose, but Willie had no intention to.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Willie.” Was whispered into his hair and it was gently brushed away from his face.</i>
      </i>
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</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Willie then lifted his head and tilted his face upwards to finally look into the eyes that had haunted his dreams. “Alex?” He whispered back, still a bit unbelieving. His hands had found their way on their own to Alex face, to each side, holding it between them. His thumb caressing over the cheek, feeling the soft skin. “Is it really you?” </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Alex smiled down on him and Willie could see some tears on his face too, wiping them away while his own ran down freely, but they had turned into happy tears when Willie had allowed himself to believe that Alex was indeed standing in front of him. </i>
      </i>
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<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Of course I am, or do you know any other ghosts that wear my face?” Alex asked him, but his smile faltered a bit when he realized that Willie didn’t just ask out of curiosity. “Hey, are you okay?” And now it was Alex who freed Willie’s face from his tears. </i>
      </i>
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</p>
<p>
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    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But Willie nodded. “Now I am.” His voice was a bit croaky from not talking much the last days and from the crying, but it was okay. Alex understood. Willie had a few questions running through his head but for know he was content in Alex arms even though there was one thing he wanted to do before they parted. </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>But it seemed he wasn’t the only one with that quest as he found Alex leaning closer to him. “I searched for you. Every day.” Alex whispered and Willie could feel it as their lips were almost touching. “I didn’t want to give up, I knew you were somewhere, and I needed to see you. Before we said goodbye I was too scared to do this, but now…” </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>Alex didn’t need to say anything else; Willie knew what he meant and finally closed the gap between them, softly pressing his lips on Alex, slowly moving them, the same as the waves behind them hit the shore. It was calming and grounding and for Willie it was almost overwhelming. From the nothingness and numbness to this. The love and fondness seeping through the kiss made him tingle and he couldn’t help but smile against Alex, feeling the other do the same and not shortly after they both came up not to breath but to laugh. Their foreheads touching now and just overall happy to be in each other’s arms.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Honestly I can't get enough of Willex, don't be afraid to request the pair.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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